Review:

on 2011-06-04 CharlesMartel Said:

Everything about this album, everything about this band is just so bloody false it makes want to scream.

MEMO
From: Art Ayandarman
To: F. Ferdy Fatcat

Subject: Next New Musical Act

Ferdy,

I got this great idea for a new act. This is gonna make us loadsacash.

OK, take five guys and give them stupid names like Spider Webb, Joshua Von Grimm and Coffin Joe. Then give them ridiculous hairstyles which would make Kajagoogoo look like a Mothers Union blue rinse convention. Now dress them entirely in black, with skin tight jeans as they are still young enough not to have known the pleasures and the excesses of life. Make sure they use their mascara, ooh, maybe it's Maybelline.

Now, what are we going to give them for songs. Well the appearance and the persona is fake, so let's ensure that the same can be said for the music. After all, we don't want any of that damn originality creeping in and spoiling the party, do we? So let's just start by ripping off the Cramps - no one's heard of them except a bunch of nerds from 30 years back. We can throw in a bit of Talking Heads as well to give them some street credibility (at least I think that's what it is). For a song, I suggest "Sheena Is a Parasite". Hey, punk is dead so we don't want to start the punk rock revival yet -  leave that until May next year.

I've found a band which fits this bill perfectly. They have not a scrap of originality between them and the term musician could only be used to describe them in its loosest possible meaning.

*************************************

If this is the sort of thing which appears to your personal musical taste then you will love the Horrors. If you like stupid, childish lyrics about getting pissed; vomiting; trying to pull some girl; popping pills; and generally behaving like a shitfaced chav on a Friday night out in Nottingham, then this is for you. If you like your lyrics delivered in a whiny, off-key voice over banal and tinny keyboards and poorly-played guitars where the guitarist is still struggling with the concept of tempo, melody and chord structure, then all the better. You are really really going to love this.

If on the other hand you have any shred of dignity left in you, you will give this the same welcome as a bordello would extend to an outbreak of syphilis.
Rating: 1/10

Review:

on 2007-03-06 paperslut Said:

I really, really want Joshua Von Grimm's (Joshua Hayward) guitar effects processor. I don't know whether it's a result of his B.Sc. in Physics from University College London or watching infinite repeats of the Addams Family that he came to making his own box, but for The Horrors breed of what I like to call Frankenstein music it's perfect.

Which is not to say that Strange House is perfect. In fact, it barely makes the cut.

Faris Rotter (Faris Badwan) is your quintessential new garage punk vocalist. He's got the whole "look I can do The Killers AND The Strokes" thing going for him and it wouldn't be all bad, if he didn't end up sounding like a drunken bum trying to read from a teleprompter on most songs. Pugsley and Wednesday are not going to be happy.

Here's what The Horrors have got going for them - the novelty. They're a little different, and have some decent instrumentation. I'm assuming they'll have their live act sorted out, and the songs themselves lend to a reasonable amount of creativity when it comes to a show. Songs like Count In Fives and Draw Japan are like watching Young Frankenstein on fast forward, under influence. Nothing spectacular, but decent enough to ensure two, maybe three listens.

Where The Horrors find themselves screwed are, ironically, that they're just a novelty. And not a very intriguing novelty at that. Take the instrumental Gil Sleeping for example. There's absolutely nothing that stands out about the track except Von Grimm's... okay, that sounded lame... Hayward's guitars, which too, just play to a rhythm. It's like they just removed the vocal track from the final recording. They've just not been creative enough to explore. Most of the songs begin to sound the same after a while and you begin wondering whether you really like the organ anyways (wow, I'm on fire today).

It's a fundamental dilemma The Horrors face, and essentially, a standpoint can only be made by how the band see themselves and where they intend to be. Unfortunately for them, it currently doesn't seem them going too far.

Frankly, the whole big organ sound was much better on Cursive's The Ugly Organ. The Horrors have managed to throw in some typical new-indie-Brit wordplay and like most of the NME's big things, don't really have much substance other than a few decent hooks and some uppity beats.

Rating: 5/10